


He Loves Me Not?

by orphan_account



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Angst, Brief thoughts of suicide, Depression, Eventual Fluff, FAHC, Fake AH Crew, Freewood - Freeform, Gen, Los Santos, M/M, Pining, Vagabond, battle buddies, extralife gift, hanahaki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2019-11-30
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:29:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21609838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Gavin’s got a problem and that problem is his one sided crush on Los Santos’ most wanted criminal.
Relationships: Ryan Haywood & Jeremy Dooley, Ryan Haywood/Gavin Free
Comments: 2
Kudos: 55





	He Loves Me Not?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ChaoticCosmos](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaoticCosmos/gifts).



> ExtraLife fanfic for @ChaoticCosmos! Congrats on winning the fic raffle!

Gavin smiles when he hears Ryan laughing in the other room, the deep baritone of the older man sends pleasant shivers down his spine and gives him goosebumps. His mind drifts to the gent and his broad shoulders, his strong arms he's gotten a cheeky glance at on more than one occasion, and those piercingly blue eyes that sparkle like sapphires. If he is being honest, Gavin has it bad for Ryan, worse than when he'd first started to fancy the other man.

The first day Ryan showed up at the penthouse in his Vagabond getup, Gavin had been terrified of him, wanting nothing to do with the other and avoiding him at all costs. Eventually the two warmed up to each other, Gavin's natural curiosity getting the better of him and causing him to ask questions, practically interrogating the poor gent. He knew he'd been balancing on a deadly tightrope, the masked killer not one to be crossed or ticked off in any way. But somehow, to the astonishment of the rest of the crew, Gavin hadn't been harmed and Vagabond didn't seem to mind the constant barrage of questions and ridiculous scenarios the lad made up. Eventually Ryan had removed his mask and told them his name, saying he felt comfortable around them and that he felt they could be trusted with his secret identity. Gavin had been awestruck, Ryan was simply gorgeous! Handsome face, strong cheekbones, well groomed hair and stubble, and a smile that could charm even the baddest of the bad in Los Santos. The two started working missions together, Ryan the muscle and infiltrator while Gavin covered him via security cameras and overwatch. It was during this time that Gavin had started to realize he was falling in love with Ryan.

And that's when trouble started.

Gavin knew the moment he was in love with Ryan because he had the worst coughing fit ever! He'd rushed to the bathroom and clutched the toilet bowl, sure he was about to empty his stomach and possibly half his internal organs into it. Instead, to his surprise and horror, a single rose petal drifted down from his mouth and gently settled on the surface of the water in the toilet. He'd stared at it for several minutes, unsure what it meant. He'd visited the doctors after that, awkwardly explaining what had happened. To his surprise they completely understood and even told him what was supposedly wrong with him.

"You have Hanahaki Disease."

He wasn't sure exactly what that had meant so he'd done some digging on the internet and found more information, information that had his blood running icy cold. In order to cure this affliction one of three things could happen: he needed to have super expensive surgery, but he'd lose his love for Ryan; he died, which he wasn't quite a fan of; or the one he loved fell in love with him. He'd stared at his computer screen for several moments, processing what he'd just read. He didn't want to die, or stop loving Ryan, but how the bloody hell was he supposed to get Ryan to fall in love with him?! He'd felt tears streaming down his cheeks and soon he'd curled up on the floor and cried himself to sleep.

He'd made the decision to convince the gent to fall in love with him, to prove himself to Ryan! At first it was showering the man with expensive gifts that Ryan wasn't quite sure what to do with, but that didn't seem to work. Next it was doing little things he knew Ryan loved or enjoyed; keeping the Diet Coke constantly stocked, talking to him about Shakespeare which was a whole thing in and of itself to learn and gave him a massive headache, doing weapons training together, complimenting him at every opportunity, supplying treats like donuts and kolachis, and making sure his facepaint was always stocked and at the ready for him. He wasn't sure if these deeds had gone noticed or not but he was nothing if not stubborn.

Now, as he lays on his bed puzzling out the next step in his 'Swooning Vagabond' plot, he finds himself coughing, already knowing what's coming. He coughs up several petals into his palm before he disposes of them into the waste bin by his bed, wiping a hand across his watering eyes. His affliction is getting worse and his one-sided crush on Los Santos' most wanted isn't helping. He sits back and sniffles, tears sting his eyes again, but this time from a different pain he feels.

"There's no way the bugger will ever love me, not like the way I love him or need him to love me," he whispers to himself as tears flood his vision and he feels the familiar claws of depression digging into him.

He is frustrated, this would be so much easier if Ryan wasn't so hopelessly oblivious! The man literally could not understand when people complimented or flirted with him, something that the crew took every advantage of for a good laugh. But this isn't about laughs, this is serious. If only there was a way to let Ryan know his exact intentions in a way Ryan will understand.

"Other than the obvious?"

Gavin blinks and realizes he isn't in his room anymore but in their gun range on a lower floor of the complex, Michael and Jeremy are there and they seem to be staring at him. Apparently he's been talking out loud.

"'M sorry, wot?" he asks as he shakes his head, unsure how how long he's been here or even how he got here.

"Dude, you're so far gone," Michael chuckles before he turns and puts several rounds into the training dummy. Gavin frowns and narrows his eyes before he turns to Jeremy.

"He's your Battle Buddy, how would I talk about this to him?" he asks. Jeremy is the newest addition to the main crew but in the short amount of time he's been with the crew he's somehow managed to grow closer to Ryan than most of the others, a feat that perplexes Gavin to no end.

"Gavin, pal, let me tell you something. In all my time spent with Ryan I've learned two things," Jeremy says after a minute of contemplation.

"Wot?" Gavin asks, intrigued.

"The man is an absolute slut for Diet Coke, and he needs to be told things flat; no secret messages or intentions, just the simple truth," Jeremy continues. Gavin groans and puts his face in his hands.

"I'm doomed!" he grumbles.

"Dude, trust me, I speak fluent Ryan. Just be honest with him, tell him how you feel. It's better than hiding and bottling this all up," Jeremy says as he puts a hand on Gavin's shoulder and gives a squeeze.

"Thanks Lil' J, I'll talk to him," Gavin nods and swallows hard.

He tries to distract himself with his fellow lads, working on his marksmanship for a few hours, even having a bit of fun. Until he's coughing again and rushing out of the room to find the closest bathroom. He stares down at the small pile of petals he's coughed up, wiping the tears from his eyes before he flushes. He hasn't told anyone of his affliction, the Lads and possibly Geoff the only ones who know of his crush on Ryan, and evening then they only know about the crush, not his affliction. He dejectedly makes his way to the roof, thinking that some fresh air will help clear his head and help him come up with a plan to talk to Ryan.

"How can I possibly tell such a top fellow that I'm in love with him when he obviously doesn't love me back? How am I supposed to live with this stupid thing inside of me?" he ponders aloud, pacing under the night sky.

"Who am I kidding? Ryan wouldn't want me anyway, I mean look at me! I'm a clumsy fool who can't even be in the same room as wet bread without wanting to throw up! What do I have that Ryan would find attractive?" he growls lowly, the familiar feeling of self hatred creeping in. This isn't the first time he's overthought himself into depression. He snarls and slams his fist against the small, concrete wall that frames the roof, preventing anyone from plummeting to their death.

Death.

That is one of the solutions to this whole mess isn’t it? Gavin’s not sure where this idea comes from, especially since he’s been so against the idea since the start, but now as he stands on the roof looking down at the city far below, he wonders. Would the others really miss him? Would Ryan even care? Probably not. Tears flood his eyes again as he gazes out, leaning over the side and looking down, wondering just how far it really was...

"Gavin?"

Gavin snaps up and freezes, fear clutching him as the familiar voice speaks his name behind him. Slowly he turns until he's looking at the familiar dad shoes that Ryan always wears. He feels himself beginning to tremble as he forces himself to look up into the gent's eyes, seeing concern etched across the handsome face.

"H-hey, Ry," he says weakly and tries to force a smile. Normally he's great at masking his emotions and keeping others guessing about how he feels or at a loss trying to read him, but here, just him and Ryan, the gent looking at him with that soft face, he just can't.

"Are you okay? We missed you at dinner and you haven't been around playing video games like you normally are. Is everything alright?" Ryan asks and gods, why did Gavin have to fall for such an amazing and perfect guy?

"Oh yeah I'm top! Just wanted to watch the sun set," he lies, hoping his voice doesn't sound as weak to Ryan as it does to him. Ryan frowns and takes a step forward.

"Gav? What's wrong?" he asks, his beautiful blue eyes full of worry and concern. “Why were you looking over the edge just now?”

_Why would he be worried about me?_ Gavin wonder with a frown.

"Nothing's wrong, will you just sod off already!" he doesn't mean to snap but he does and the hurt in Ryan's eyes is like a stab to his heart, knowing that he's the cause of that look.

"I'm just worried about you. I'm sorry if I've done something wrong, I'll fix whatever it is just tell me what's wrong," Ryan says softly and Gavin notices his lower lip trembles slightly.

Before he has a chance to answer, a familiar feeling bubbles up in his chest and his eyes widen in fear, a hand rising to his mouth, head rapidly turning from side to side looking for a waste bin or means of escape. Ryan looks worried and takes another step forward, holding his hands out as if to comfort the lad or pull him into a hug. Gavin turns his back to the gent as the coughing starts, throwing his free hand out to hold Ryan back as his body shakes with each hacking cough. He feels the flower petals escaping his throat, feels them drifting into his palm as tears flood his eyes. After a minute passes he feels the coughing subsiding, glancing down at the handful of petals he's hacked up, growing sick when he sees them, fear grips him as a thought runs through his mind:

_Ryan will see, and he'll know! I can't let him see this!_

He keeps his back to Ryan but slowly straightens up, trembling slightly. Ryan hasn't moved but Gavin can feel the man's presence behind him.

"Gavin? That didn't sound good, do you need to go to the hospital?" the man asks.

"It won't help Rye Bread, trust me," Gavin nearly whispers as he starts to wipe his eyes.

"What do you mean? If there's something wrong the doctors will be able to help you," Ryan sounds confused.

"They can't help me Ryan! I've already bloody tried the doctors and they can't help me! No one can help me!" Gavin whirls around as he shouts, tears streaming down his face now. Ryan takes a jerky step back, shocked and hurt at the sudden outburst, raising his hands instinctively to show he's not a threat.

"I-I'm sorry. I'm just worried about you," he whispers.

"Well your concern isn't helping Ryan! There's only three things that will help me and one is basically impossible," Gavin sniffles, voice calming down but still firm and slightly miffed.

"What's that?" Ryan asks.

"I have to die! That's what's got to happen for this stupid affliction to be cured!" Gavin sobs and turns away.

"Oh Gavin," Ryan says softly and reaches out to pull the lad into a hug, Gavin shaking him off.

"You said there's three things that will help you, what're the others?" the gent asks instead. Gavin shakes his head.

"Forget it. There's no way you'll..." Gavin quickly snaps his jaw shut, mentally kicking himself for saying too much. Now Ryan wouldn't let up until Gavin has spilled everything.

"What? I'll do anything, Gavin. Just tell me what I have to do!"

"I-I can't," Gavin shakes his head as more tears flood his eyes.

"Why not? If I can help you then please let me Gavin! I care about you," Ryan speaks softly, looking desperate to help.

Gavin slowly shakes his head and looks down at his hand, before he opens it just as slowly to reveal the small pile of petals he's been clutching. Ryan follows his gaze and raises an eyebrow.

"Flower petals?" he asks, confused.

"I have a disease, Ryan. It's called Hanahaki, and the only cures are death of the inflicted, or..." he hesitates, unable to speak the next words, the words he's wanted to say but has been so afraid to utter.

"Or what? Gavin please, tell me," Ryan pleads and takes Gavin's other hand in his two. Gavin takes a deep breath, feeling sick as he tries to muster up the courage to confess the truth.

"Or the one I've fallen in love with falls in love with me. Or I get surgery that’ll cause me to stop loving them."

Silence falls between them for a moment, the information being processed by Ryan while Gavin feels himself slipping further into the darkness that is his shell, just wanting to run away and die quietly.

"Who are you in love with?" Ryan's asking, snapping him back to the present.

"Forget it. It wasn't meant to be," he pulls away from Ryan, only for the gent to pull him back.

"It...it's me, isn't it?" he asks quietly. Gavin hangs his head and says nothing, his silence all the answer Ryan needs.

"Gavin, I..."

"I understand Ryan. I didn't expect you to love me back, not the way I need you to. I hope this doesn't ruin our friendship, I would very much like to remain friends if that's possi..."

Gavin is cut short when Ryan pulls him close and kisses him, full on the lips. His eyes widen before he's kissing back, wrapping his arms around the gent. His brain is short circuiting, he's not sure what's happening exactly, only that Ryan's kissing him and he's wanted this for so long so he's not missing this opportunity. Eventually they pull apart, still wrapped in the other's embrace, Ryan smiling down at him with that charming smile he's fallen in love with.

"You talk to much you wanker," the gent winks.

"W-wot?" Gavin isn't sure how to process all of this. Ryan just lets out a sweet, bubbly laugh.

"Gavin, I love you. I've had a crush on you for awhile now, but wasn't sure how you felt so I suppressed it," Ryan admits.

"Y-you, love me?" Gavin must be dreaming again. Ryan nods and smiles.

"You've been so kind lately, giving me gifts, going out of your way to do little things to make me happy. I wasn't sure if you had feelings for me or if you were just being nice at first. Now I know you have feelings for me, and I'm over the moon that you've chosen me," he smiles again and gives Gavin another squeeze. Gavin's eyes widen and he can't help the smile that spreads across his face.

"I love you, Ryan Haywood. Please kiss me again," he winks. Ryan chuckles and kisses him again, soft, sweet lips meeting Gavin's and the lad is on cloud nine. When they pull away they're smiling widely at each other, foreheads press together as they stare into the other's eyes.

"I love you too, Gavin Free," Ryan smiles and rubs his nose against Gavin's. Gavin realizes he hasn't been coughing and something feels different inside him. He smiles.

"You've saved me, my love," he whispers.

"Anything for you, my heart and soul," Ryan whispers back and kisses him again.

The two men smile as they kiss under the stars, relieved that their love for the other is shared.


End file.
